August 31st is World Distance Learning Day, a pseudo-holiday created to "celebrate the learning that occurs outside the classroom."

What better way to celebrate this momentous occasion this year than with a nervous breakdown?

All of 2020 has been a "celebration" of distance learning, and the party has left my nervous system looking like one of the discarded gameday shakers that clog the gutters of The Strip on a Sunday morning. Read: I have SEEN THINGS, y'all.

You know what is SUPER COOL and SO EASY? Working a full-time job and trying to ensure that your third grader is attending to her distance learning lessons. It's a breeze, and I NEVER have ANY technological issues.

I mean, can you imagine? What if your work wifi craps out in the middle of a math quiz for your child and then you have to reboot her Chromebook and rejoin the class Google meeting but forget the camera turns on automatically so all the children and the teacher both see and hear when you accidentally sneeze on said Chromebook?

Good thing that's NEVER happened to me!

And it's so wonderful knowing that I have never--not even ONCE, y'all--lost my cool when my child pitched a DEFCON 0 fit about having to sit through a distance learning session.

NOPE, not me! I LOVE distance learning! I love working an extremely demanding job while also attending to the needs and whims of a child ALL DAY LONG!

Oh, and have I mentioned how COOL it is when I have to console my sobbing child? It's so great to hear her cry about how much she misses being able to see her friends in class.

hahahahahahahahahahahaha

Distance learning is GREAT. Let's celebrate!

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